Have you ever wondered if you are doing enough as a father? This article shares what I have found on the top qualities of a good father.
Fathers come in all shapes and sizes.
Today, we have more varieties of dads than ever. We have single dads, work-from-home dads, and stay-at-home dads. You might be the sole breadwinner or not at all.
There are certain characteristics that all good fathers share regardless of their status. Time spent preparing to become a father can make all the difference on how the dads feel when the baby comes.
Some of these may be more important to you than others, but they are all important in their own way.
Today, we will be discussing the characteristics of a good father.
I have based this writing on research on the topic as well as a variety of sources such as the following:
- Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win
- 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos
- 59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot
- How to Win Friends & Influence People
Table of Contents
What defines a good father?
A good man should spend time with kids while also cultivating a good work-life balance.
The need for a family to provide financial support does nothing to make a child a better person. It is a typical old-school model of a great dad working nine-five.
The father provided the biggest or even the complete support to the family. During this period, good fathering was limited to sleeping at night with children, taking interest in their child’s life, and to playing games at weekends.
Timeless Qualities of a Good Father
#1. A good dad is loving and supportive
What does it mean?
A good father is someone who loves his children and is supportive of them. He is someone who is there for them when they need him and who is willing to help them in any way he can.
Why is it important?
It is important because a child needs love and support in order from his birth father to grow and develop properly.
How to practice?
You can practice being a loving and supportive if you spend quality time with your children, listening to them, and helping them when they need it.
When you might be tested?
Below are some examples of situations where you might be tested.
1. When your child is going through a tough time and needs emotional support.
2. When you have to make a tough decision for your child and they are not old enough to understand.
3. When you have to discipline your child and they do not want to listen.
#2. A good dad believes in you – with patience and love
What does it mean?
An amazing father is someone who is patient with his children. He understands that they are still learning and growing and that they will make mistakes. He is also someone who is willing to forgive them when they do make mistakes.
Why is it important?
It is important because a child needs to feel like they can come to their father with anything, without fear of judgment or reprisal. They need to know that he will always be there for them, no matter what.
How to practice?
You can practice being a patient and forgiving father by listening to your children and not reacting impatiently or harshly when they make mistakes. instead, try to help them learn from their mistakes.
Personally, I find that re-reading “Father Forgets” often is a powerful reminder. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0LCOu3Z2jE
When you might be tested?
Below are some of the most challenging situations where you might be tested.
1. When you child is not following your rules and you have to discipline them.
2. When your child is not doing well in school and you need to help them study.
3. When your child is not listening to you and does not want to obey your rules.
#3. A good dad is reliable and dependable
What does it mean?
A good father is someone who can be relied on and who is dependable. He is someone who keeps his promises and who is there when his children need him.
Why is it important?
It is important because children need to know that they can count on their father. They need to know that he will be there for them when they need him.
How to practice?
You can practice being a reliable and dependable father by keeping your promises. Support and guide your children, advice them what you did in such a situation they may be in.
When you might be tested?
The following are some situations where you might be tested on whether you are a reliable and dependable father:
-Your child is having a bad day and needs someone to talk to
-Your child is in trouble and needs your help
-Your child wants to spend time with you and you have to work late
#4. A good dad is a role model for his children
What does it mean?
A good father is someone who his children can look up to and who serves as a role model for them. He is someone who sets a good example for them to follow.
Why is it important?
It is important because children learn from what they see. If they see their father behaving in a certain way, they are likely to copy his behavior.
How to practice?
You can practice being a role model for your children by behaving in the way you want them to behave. Set a good example for them to follow and be someone they can look up to.
When you might be tested?
The following are some situations where you might be tested on whether you are a good role model for your children:
-Your child sees you behaving badly and asks you why you are doing it
-Your child sees you doing something they are not supposed to do and copies you. E.g., Being rushed or impolite to your wife.
-Your child is struggling with something and looks to you for guidance.
-You are struggling with your own life goals and priority. Be it waking up early, running that 5 miles, or fasting.
#5. A good dad always puts his family first
What does it mean?
A good father is someone who always puts his family first. He puts their needs above his own and makes sure that they are taken care of.
Why is it important?
It is important because children need to know that they are a priority in their father’s life. They need to feel loved and cared for.
How to practice?
You can practice putting your family first by making sure that their needs are always met before your own. Spend time with them and make sure they feel loved and cared for.
When you might be tested?
The following are some situations where you might be tested on whether you are putting your family first:
-Your child is sick and you have to take care of them instead of flying or driving to an important meeting
-Your child is struggling in school and it eats into your planned schedule
-You are offered a new job that would require you to travel and be away from your family for long periods of time
-Your spouse is going through a tough time and needs your support
-You have to choose between spending time with your family or doing something else.
#6. Good dads teach kids not by words but by examples
What does it mean?
A good father teaches not by words but by examples. A man should lead by example and show his children what it means to be a good person. He should also teach them the importance of hard work, responsibility, and respect.
Why is it important?
It is important for a father to lead by example because his children will learn from him. If a father is a good role model, his children will be more likely to behave in the same way.
How to practice?
1. Set a good example for your children by being a good person yourself. Treat other people with respect, work hard, and be responsible.
2. Teach your children the importance of hard work, responsibility, and respect. Show them how these things can make a difference in their lives.
3. Help your children develop their own values and beliefs. Encourage them to think for themselves and make their own decisions.
4. Be there for your children when they need you. Be supportive and understanding when they are going through tough times.
5. Help your children develop their own identity. encourage them to be their own person and to follow their own dreams.
When you might be tested?
1. Your child is having a hard time at school and you’re not sure how to help them.
2. Your child is going through a tough time and you’re not sure how to support them.
3. You’re having a hard time balancing work and family life.
4. Your child is struggling with their identity.
5. You’re not sure how to deal with your child’s problems.
#7. A great dad tells the truth or at least doesn’t lie.
What does it mean?
A good father is someone who is trustworthy. He is someone who can be depended on and who will always keep his word.
It means not lying and being truthful to yourself. It means speaking the truth or not telling lies.
Why is it important?
It is important because children need to know that they can trust their father. They need to feel safe and secure in his presence.
How to practice?
You can practice being trustworthy by always keeping your word. When you make a promise, make sure that you follow through on it. Be dependable and always be there for your children when they need you.
Take your words seriously. Don’t promise anything to your kids lightly.
When you might be tested?
The following are some situations where you might be tested on whether you are trustworthy:
-You said you would take your child to swim tomorrow and you forget about it.
-You make a promise to your child and then something comes up that prevents you from keeping it
-Your child asks you to keep a secret
-Your child is in a difficult situation and they need your help
-You are faced with a choice that could potentially break your trust with your child.
#8. Good dads show respect – your wife, your child, your parents, and the people around you
What does it mean?
This means you treat people with kindness and consideration. Especially when it’s not convenient.
Why is it important?
It is important because children need to see that their father respects the people who are important to them. They need to see that he is a good person who treats others well.
How to practice?
You can practice showing respect by being polite and considerate to the people around you. Treat women with respect.. Show respect for your own parents and extended family members. Be respectful of people’s time, property, and feelings.
When you might be tested?
The following are some situations where you might be tested on whether you are respectful:
-You find yourself disagreeing or even stop arguing with your wife
-You have a very bad day at work, your cars broke down, you lost an important client
-You are around people who have different beliefs than you do and you are respectful of their beliefs
#9. Good dads show emotion
What does it mean?
A good father is not afraid to show his emotions. He is comfortable expressing himself and he is not afraid to show his feelings.
This should not mean you express your feelings by acting them out. Punching a wall. Drinking or smoking.
It means thinking of positive ways to express your feelings. Ways that will not harm you or others.
Why is it important?
It is important because children need to see that their father is a real person with real emotions. They need to know that it is okay for men to express their feelings.
How to practice?
You can practice showing emotion by finding healthy ways to express your feelings. You can talk to a friend or family member about how you are feeling. You can journal about your emotions. You can listen to music or go for a walk to clear your head.
I mean meditation works quite well if you can move away from that source of stress.
Practice noting technique, which is noticing a particular feeling and paying attention to your body and thoughts.
When you might be tested?
The following are some situations where you might be tested on whether you are able to show emotion:
-Your child is going through a tough time and they need your support
-You are having a bad day and you need to keep it together for your family
-Your child does something that makes you proud and you need to express your pride in them.
#10. Good dads are fun – positive and supportive
What does it mean?
A good father is someone who is fun to be around. He is positive and supportive. He enjoys spending time with his children and he is always looking for ways to make them happy.
Why is it important?
It is important because children need to see that their father is a fun person who enjoys their company. A father should give the family hope. Something to look forward to.
How to practice?
You can practice being fun by finding ways to be positive and laugh when the times are difficult. You can play games with them, tell them jokes, or take them on fun outings. You can also be supportive by listening to them and offering advice when they need it.
When you might be tested?
Some situations where it may be hard for a dad to have hopes include: when the dad is a single parent and is working multiple jobs to support the family; when the father is incarcerated; when the father has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. However, it is still important for the father to try and be positive and have hope for their family’s future.
#11. A good father always tries to spend time with his family
What does it mean?
A good father always tries to spend time with his family. He makes an effort to be involved in their lives. He is there for them when they need him.
Why is it important?
It is important because children need to feel loved and supported by their father. They need to know that he cares about them and wants to spend time with them.
How to practice?
You can practice spending time with your family by making an effort to be involved in their lives. You can attend their school events, help them with their homework, go on family outings, and have regular family dinners.
When you might be tested?
I understand if you are a dad who has to work long hours to support his family. You need to always travel for work. Or, you are divorced and have to share custody of a child.
#12. A good father makes mistakes and learns from them
What does it mean?
A good father makes mistakes and learns from them. He is not perfect, but he strives to be the best father he can be. He takes responsibility for his actions and learns from his mistakes.
Why is it important?
It is important because it shows that fathers are human and they make mistakes just like everyone else. It is also important because it shows that fathers are willing to learn from their mistakes.
How to practice?
You can practice by being honest with yourself and your children. If you make a mistake, own up to it and apologize. Then, try to do better next time.
When you might be tested?
You might be tested when you make a mistake and your child doesn’t want to forgive you. Or, you might be tested when you are trying to learn from your mistakes but keep making the same ones.
It’s easy to blame others when things go wrong. For example, you might blame your spouse for not doing enough around the house. Or, you might blame your boss for not giving you a raise. It’s also easy to blame yourself when things go wrong. For example, you might blame yourself for not being a good enough parent.
What are the consequences of not practicing?
If you don’t practice taking responsibility for your mistakes, you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. You will have a hard time forgiving yourself when you make a mistake. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame.
It’s also important to remember that we are all human and we all make mistakes. It’s important to learn from our mistakes so that we can do better in the future. Blaming others does not help us learn from our mistakes. It prevents us from taking responsibility for our own actions.
#13. A good father is human
What does it mean?
Being too hard or demanding on yourself is actually counterproductive. When you put too much pressure on yourself, it can be difficult to relax and enjoy life. It can also be difficult to take care of yourself and your family.
It’s important to remember that you are human and you make mistakes. It’s important to forgive yourself for your mistakes and learn from them. It’s also important to love yourself. When you love yourself, it’s easier to love others.
How to practice?
You can practice by being gentle with yourself. If you make a mistake, forgive yourself and try to do better next time. If you are having a bad day, take some time for yourself and do something that you enjoy.
When you might be tested?
You might be tested when you make a mistake and you are too hard on yourself. Or, you might be tested when you are having a bad day and you need to take care of yourself.
The prevalence of social media makes one think everything should be perfect and great. When one is constantly exposed to perfect lives on social media, it can be difficult to accept that life is not perfect. It’s important to remember that social media is just a snapshot of someone’s life and it’s not the whole picture. It’s also important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and that’s okay.
A good father is human. He makes mistakes, but he accepts himself for who he is. He forgives himself for his mistakes and loves himself.
What are the consequences of not practicing?
If you do not practice self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, and self-love, it can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders. It can also lead to problems in your relationships with others.
#14. A good father compares himself with himself yesterday, not someone else.
What does it mean?
A good father compares himself with himself yesterday, not someone else. He strives to be better than he was yesterday. He doesn’t compare himself to other people because everyone is on their own journey.
Why is it important?
Write reasons why you should not compare yourself with others with powerful examples.
1. Comparing yourself with others will never make you feel good about yourself.
2. When you compare yourself to others, you are always going to find someone who is better than you.
3. Comparing yourself with others will make you feel insecure and ashamed of who you are.
4. Comparing yourself with others makes you ungrateful for what you have. For example, if you compare your life to someone who is wealthy, you will forget about all the good things in your life.
5. Comparing yourself with others takes away your power. When you compare yourself to others, you are giving them the power to control how you feel about yourself.
6. Comparing yourself with others is a waste of time. You could be using that time to improve yourself.
7. Comparing yourself with others is unhealthy and can lead to depression and anxiety.
8. When you compare yourself to others, you are only looking at the surface. You don’t know what someone else’s life is really like.
9. Everyone is on their own journey. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel bad about yourself.
10. You are unique and special. There is no one else like you in the world. Accepting yourself for who you are is the first step to happiness.
How to practice?
Every day, take some time to reflect on how you can be better than you were yesterday. Make a list of things that you can improve on and strive to do better each day.
In the book 59 Seconds by Richard Wiseman, a study shows writing down 3 things that you are grateful for makes you happier.
When you might be tested?
1. When you are at a party and everyone is talking, you feel like you can’t contribute to the conversation.
2. When you are at work and someone else gets the promotion that you wanted.
3. When you see someone’s social media post and they are on vacation in a tropical location while you are stuck at home.
4. When you are at a family gathering and everyone is talking about their successful children and you feel like a failure because your child can’t do X, doesn’t go school Y, or work at company Z.
5. When you go to a friend’s house and they have a new car, while your car is old and falling apart.
What are the consequences of not practicing?
If you don’t practice comparing yourself with yourself, you will always be comparing yourself with others. This will lead to feeling bad about yourself, low self-esteem, and depression.
#15. A good father assumes Extreme Ownership
What does it mean?
Yes, I’m referencing the book Extreme Ownership authored by Jocko Willink, a former Navy SEAL commander.
A good father assumes Extreme Ownership and takes responsibility for his actions. A man has the power to make decisions that will impact lives, not just his own, but those of his children. A man must be able to make decisions in the best interest of his family, even if it’s not what he wants.
Why is it important?
A father needs to be able to take responsibility for his actions and make decisions that are in the best interest of his family. A man who can’t do this is not going to be a good father.
How to practice?
1. Be aware of your actions and their consequences.
2. Make sure that you are making decisions that are in the best interest of your family, not just yourself.
3. Take responsibility for your actions. If you make a mistake, own up to it and try to fix it.
4. Be accountable for your family’s safety and well-being.
5. Try to put yourself in your family’s shoes and make decisions accordingly.
When you might be tested?
1. You desperately want to make your family’s lives better. You are presented with an investment opportunity. And, it seems to be an opportunity of a lifetime. You know that you can make a lot of money, but there is also a chance that you could lose everything. What do you do?
2. You are at a crossroads in your career. You can either stay at your current job and make more money or take a pay cut to pursue your passion. What do you do?
3. Your family is struggling financially. You are offered a job that pays twice your current salary, but it requires you to do something that you don’t believe in.
What are the consequences of not practicing?
If you don’t practice Extreme Ownership, you will make decisions that are only in your best interest. This will lead to resentment and conflict within your family. Your family will not be able to trust you to make decisions that are in their best interest.
Fatherhood is an important role that comes with a lot of responsibility. A good father is someone who is able to take care of his family, make decisions in their best interest, and be there for them when they need him.
#16. A good father provides for his family but doesn’t use his family as an excuse for not taking care of himself.
What does it mean?
A good father provides for his family but doesn’t use his family as an excuse for not taking care of himself. He makes sure that he is physically and mentally healthy so that he can be there for his family when they need him.
Why is it important?
A man who doesn’t take care of himself is not going to be able to take care of his family. A man should be physically and mentally healthy so that he can be there for his family when they need him.
How to practice?
1. Wake up early to do that exercise, work on your own business, or book. It’s likely that you are wasting time browsing social media or watching Netflix to “relax”.
2. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself mentally. Take time for yourself to relax and unwind. Do things that make you happy.
3. Relax but seek the truth or people who tell you the hard truth. It’s important to have people in your life who will tell you the truth, even if it’s not what you want to hear.
4. Find a hobby or activity that is just for you. It’s important to have something in your life that is just for you.
5. Seek out real-life examples of people who are able to do both.
When you might be tested?
1. You are working long hours and you’re starting to feel stressed out.
2. You are having a hard time balancing work and family life.
3. Your family is going through a tough time and you’re struggling to cope.
4. You’re feeling overwhelmed and you’re not sure how to deal with it.
What are the consequences of not practicing?
If you don’t take care of yourself, you will eventually burn out. This will have a negative impact on your work and your family life. You will also be less able to cope with stress and difficult situations.
If you don’t take care of yourself, you will eventually grow resentful towards your family. You will be less able to cope with stress and difficult situations. This will have a negative impact on your relationship with your family.
#17. A good father shaves his own beard before criticizing his children.
What does it mean?
A good father shaves his own beard before criticizing his children. He knows that he needs to set a good example for his children. So, he makes sure that he is living up to his own standards before he criticizes them.
It also means practicing unconditional love, patience, and forgiveness.
Go back to the “Father Forgets”.
Understand your child needs time to explore, fail, and explore some more.
Why is it important?
Perfectionism can be harmful to your child because it can lead to anxiety and depression. It can also cause them to feel like they are never good enough. This can be damaging to their self-esteem and their overall development.
How to practice?
I find the practice of paradoxical thinking to be helpful.
Here are some examples.
1. Expect them to make a mess when they are eating. Discover the joy of watching them slowly learn and grow each day.
2. Let them be imperfect and make mistakes. Be there to help them learn from those mistakes.
3. Encourage them to take risks and explore their interests. Help them develop their own identity.
4. Allow them to experience hardship and pain. Be there for them when they need you.
5. Criticize yourself before you criticize them. Set a good example for them to follow.
When you might be tested?
1. Your child makes a mess when they are eating and you’re not sure how to react.
2. Your child is struggling and you’re not sure how to help them.
3. You’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing by your child.
4. You’re child is making mistakes and you want to help them do it right
5. Your child is going through a tough time and you’re not sure how to support them.
What are the consequences of not practicing?
You will likely end up being a negative perfectionist.
This can be harmful to your child because it can lead to anxiety and depression. It can also cause them to feel like they are never good enough. This can be damaging to their self-esteem and their overall development.
Final Thoughts
It is essential that fathers take the time to practice self-care in order to be the best possible role models for their well adjusted children. This means making sure that you are living up to your own standards and practicing unconditional love, patience, and forgiveness.
It also means allowing your children to explore their interests and experience hardship and pain. When fathers do this, they set a good example for their children to follow and help them develop into well-rounded adults.
Watch this video from Jordan Peterson to learn what makes a good father and why that is important.
