Have you ever wondered if you are doing enough as a mother? This article shares what I have found on the top qualities of a good mother.
All mothers are different.
Some are stay-at-home moms, while others work outside the home. Some mothers are strict, while others are more relaxed.
There is no perfect way to be a good mom, and every mother is unique. Just do your best to be the best mother you can be, and your children will thrive.
This article will read more somewhat traditional with a view on the importance of balance, flexibility, and adaptability.
The important thing is to understand that each mother-child relationship is different, and there is no “one size fits all” when it comes to being the best mom.
It’s also vital to read widely, listen freely, and experiment frequently.
As the saying goes, “Trust but verify.”
It’s a lot to ask for a mom to do. But you are capable of it. That’s why you are reading this article.
Table of Contents
Top 10 Characteristics of a Good Mother
- A good mother is loving – and can be tough or soft when needed
- A good mother is attentive with good situational awareness
- A good mother may play “stupid” to be wise
- A good mother is flexible and resourceful
- A good mother is a source of hope and faith
- A good mother keeps the home safe and alive
- A good mother doesn’t compare with others
- A good mother wants her children to explore, not just excel
- A good mother emphasizes more on process over results.
- A good mother is a process of being
#1. A good mother is loving – tough or soft when needed
What does it mean?
A good mother is loving. She loves her children unconditionally, especially at a very young age, and is always there for them when they need her.
It should not mean that a loving mom will do whatever to keep their kids happy.
There are situations when firm discipline is required and when stress is good.
Why is it important?
A mother’s unconditional love is one of the most important things in a child’s life. It gives them the strength to face the world and feel confident and secure. A mother’s love is also a comfort and reassurance, particularly in trouble or adversity.
How to practice?
There are many ways to show your love and care for your children. Some mothers prefer to express their love through words, while others may say it through actions, such as hugs, kisses, or other physical affection. Whatever your preferred method of expression, the critical thing is that your children know that you love them and are there for them.
When might you be tested?
There will be times when your children will test your patience and kindness. They may be having a bad day or acting out for attention. It is essential to remain calm and consistent in your love and care for them, even when they act up.
#2. A good mother is attentive with good situational awareness
What does it mean?
You listen to more than just words, but also the intent. You pay attention to nonverbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions.
Why is it important?
It is vital to be attentive to your children’s unspoken needs because it shows them that you care about them and their feelings. It also helps you better understand what they are trying to communicate to you.
How to practice?
You can do a few things to practice being more attentive to your children.
- Make sure that you give them your full attention when talking to you. Put away any distractions, such as your phone or the TV.
- Try to listen to what they are saying and ask follow-up questions to show that you are interested in what they say.
- Please pay attention to their nonverbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions.
When might you be tested?
There will be times when it is challenging to be attentive to your children, such as when you are tired or busy. However, it is essential to try your best to be present with them in those moments, even if it means making a conscious effort to remove any distractions.
#3. A good mother may play “stupid” to be wise
What does it mean?
A good mother knows that there is a time to be serious and play dumb. This means reading the situation and knowing when it is appropriate to joke around and when it is not.
Why is it important?
It is crucial to be able to play dumb because it shows that you are flexible and able to adapt to different situations. It also shows that you are wise enough to know when and what is appropriate to say or do.
How to practice?
There are a few things you can do to practice playing dumb.
- Try to be aware of the different situations you find yourself in.
- Pay attention to the cues that indicate whether it is appropriate to joke around or not. For example, if someone looks like they are in a bad mood, it might not be the best time to make a joke.
- Finally, if you are unsure whether it is appropriate to joke around, err on the side of caution and don’t do it.
When might you be tested?
There will be times when you are in a situation where you are not sure whether it is appropriate to joke around.
You are not the quickest one to wit because you think about someone else’s feelings.
#4. A good mother is flexible and resourceful
What does it mean?
A good mother is flexible and resourceful. You can find solutions to problems, and you are always prepared for anything, you can help you children build their own personalities.
You have a strong sense of priority for your kids, and you are flexible with the tactics.
Why is it important?
Flexibility and resourcefulness are important qualities in a mother because they allow her to deal with the many challenges of raising children. It also shows that she is always prepared for anything.
Finding solutions to problems and being prepared for anything will help make parenting more accessible and less stressful.
One way is to read up on parenting and child development. This will give you a better understanding of the challenges you may face and how to deal with them.
For example, if your child has a tantrum, have a plan for how you will deal with it.
When might you be tested?
A mother will be tested for her resourcefulness when she is in a difficult situation and needs to find a solution quickly.
For example, if her child is sick and needs to find a way to make them feel better. There was a crazy time when our baby had a fever during the pandemic. We ran out of the kind of drinkable paracetamol for kids. All shops are closed. Eventually, I managed to get it from a family in the same mother group as me who lives nearby. We were ready to go to the hospital. But, with COVID, we simply would want to avoid that if it’s just a minor fever. Eventually, it was some infection that we had to stay in the hospital for 3-4 days to find out.
#5. A good mother is a source of hope and faith
What does it mean?
A good mother is a source of hope and faith. You have strong convictions, inspiring others to be their best selves.
It can be as simple as doing your job to the best of your ability.
You see the potential in people, especially your children, even when they don’t, and you help them realize it.
Why is it important?
Hope and faith are essential qualities in a mother because your children need someone to believe in and develop ways to see things with productive perspectives.
How to practice?
Here are some ways to keep hope alive in hard times.
- 1. Find hope in the good moments. When things are going well, take a moment to appreciate it. savor the good times and let them give you hope for the future.
- 2. Remember your accomplishments. No matter how hard things get, remember that you have faced challenges and come out on top before. You are strong and capable, and you can do it again.
David Goggins, a former Navy SEAL member talks about how he keeps a mental cookie jar of the challenges he had overcome. He would draw each event out to remind himself of how strong he can be.
- 3. Seek out positive role models. Look to people who have overcome obstacles and achieved their goals. Their stories can inspire you to keep going when things get tough.
- 4. Stay connected to your support system. When times are tough, lean on the people who love and care about you. They can help you weather the storm.
- 5. Practice self-care. Taking care of yourself is essential to maintaining your hope and faith. Make sure to schedule in time for things that make you happy and help you relax. This can be anything from reading, taking a bath, or going for a walk.
- 6. Keep a positive outlook. One of the best ways to maintain hope is to focus on the positive. Find things to be thankful for, even in the darkest of times. This can help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.
- 7. Have faith. This may be faith in yourself, your abilities, or a higher power. Whatever it is, believe that things will eventually get better. This can help you maintain hope when times are tough.
- 8. Be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are most goals. It takes time and effort to achieve something great. Believe in the process and trust that good things will come in due time.
- 9. Take things one day at a time. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to take things one day at a time. Focus on what you can do today and worry about tomorrow when it comes.
- 10. Remember that everyone goes through tough times. You are not alone in facing difficult challenges. Many people have gone through – and are going through – similar experiences. This can help you feel connected to others and less alone in your struggles.
When might you be tested?
If you’re like most mothers going through the pandemic, you’ve probably been tested. Pun intended.
Your family members may have COVID. Your husband can be out of a job. Your kids can be out of school. Your investment can be out of money.
Hope and faith don’t mean being an ostrich – doing anything and just hoping that things will become better by themselves.
#6. A good mother keeps the home safe and alive
What does it mean?
A good mother keeps the home safe and alive. You create a warm and inviting space for your family, and you are always there to lend a helping hand.
You are the glue that holds the family together, and you make sure that everyone feels loved and supported.
Why is it important?
A mother’s role is to create a safe and loving environment for her family. It helps to nurture and support the family unit.
How to practice?
One way to practice keeping the home safe and alive is to make sure that your home is clean and organized. This will help to create a welcoming and inviting space for your family. Another way to practice keeping the home safe and alive is to be attentive to your family’s needs. You make yourself available to help out when needed to provide emotional support when things are tough.
It also means your kids could confide with you, knowing that they can trust you. And, you would not judge them.
#7. A good mother doesn’t compare with others
What does it mean?
A good mother doesn’t compare herself with other mothers. You are confident in your abilities, and you know that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.
You accept that every family is different, and you respect other parents’ choices for their own families.
It also means that you don’t compare your children or husband with others.
Why is it important?
Comparison is an unnecessary evil. It breeds jealousy, envy, and other negative emotions.
Remember, happiness is a relative concept. You can get a raise and be upset because you have the most negligible raise. And, you can get a pay cut and be happy because you survived a downsizing exercise.
If you’re constantly comparing yourself to others, you’ll never be able to appreciate your unique gifts and talents.
On the same token, if you compare your children or husband with others, you will only see their faults.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
How to practice?
- One way to practice not comparing is to focus on your own family and what works for you. This means being mindful of the choices that you make and not second-guessing yourself.
- Next, you might want to stay away from social media. It’s hard not to feel bad when other people’s 2-year-old is already talking senses when your 3-year-old is still talking jibberish. Just remember that every child is different and develops at their own pace.
- Lastly, try to focus on the positive qualities of your children and husband. This will help you to see them in a better light.
When might you be tested?
You will likely be tested on this quality when around other mothers and families. It can be difficult not to compare your children or husband with others. Just remember that everyone is different and try to focus on the positive qualities of your family members.
These are just some of the many qualities that make a good mother. Remember that there is no perfect way to parent and that every mother is unique. Just do your best to be the best mother you can be, and your children will thrive.
#8. A good mother wants her children to explore, not just excel
What does it mean?
A good mother wants her children to explore the world and try new things. You don’t just want your children to excel in school or their extracurricular activities.
You want them to have a well-rounded experience.
There are some engaging lessons in the book Range: How Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World.
Many parents would be happy to see that they have a gifted son like Tiger Woods, who was able to pick and stick with one thing early on.
Arguments for specialization eventually lead to “so the kids can excel early on.” Success breeds success. And so and so forth. There is nothing wrong with succeeding early. But Range is one of the few books that argue for generalist training, especially at an early age.
The prime example is Roger Federer – who explored many sports and whose tennis-coach parents were reluctant to teach the young Roger tennis. Roger Federer is the world’s best tennis player. But, he played many sports and didn’t specialize in tennis until his 20s.
The book argues that Rogers – generalizing and exploring early is the norm and Tigers – specializing and excelling early is the outlier. Not the other way round.
Think about this for a min.
This contracts everything you have been taught. Pick a goal, make a plan, and get there.
The key here is to emphasize learning and process, not the goal or outcome itself.
The benefit of exploration is not just about becoming an all-star like them. The benefits are a more subtle and wide range.
Some of the benefits of exploration:
1) Helps with learning how to deal with setbacks and failures
2) Develops grit
3) Teaches you how to think outside the box
4) Helps with problem-solving skills
5) Develops a growth mindset
6) Improves social skills
7) Increases creativity
How to practice?
As a mother, you can encourage your children to explore by exposing them to new things. This can be anything from enrolling them in different sports or clubs to taking them on vacations to different places.
It’s also important to let them try new things even if they’re not good at them. This is how they’ll learn to deal with setbacks and failures.
Lastly, don’t be afraid to try new things yourself. Set a good example for your children by showing them that it’s okay to step out of your comfort zone.
When might you be tested on this quality?
It could be hard for you to be patient when your children seem to be changing their sports without anything meaningful.
You or your partner may feel bad spending so much money on equipment only to find that your kid “is just not interested.”
It could kill you, too, if your kid did think the sport is “it” and gave their best. But their best isn’t good enough.
What do you do?
It’s a complicated question. So we can only offer something quick and shallow here.
- Be flexible – remember the goal is to develop your kids. Help them explore. So, minimize the trial cost.
- Try to have a staged commitment. Go from “borrow”, “rent”, “buy used”, “buy cheap”, “buy quality”.
- Look up Vincent Van Gogh’s story or that chapter in the Range.
#9. A good mother emphasizes more on process over results.
What does it mean?
A good mother emphasizes more on process over results. She knows that the journey is more important than the destination.
Human beings are terrible at differentiating processes and results. We tend to blame the circumstances when times are bad and credit ourselves when times are good. But, it comes to others, we do it the other way round. It’s called “resulting” in Annie Duke’s book “Thinking in Bets.”
It’s important to teach your kids to pay attention to the effort.
It means being happy with an honest defeat from, say, a school project. It means not being complacent with a B+ score when you didn’t even try. Maybe that’s the starting score for a teacher in today’s “Make everyone happy environment.”
Why is it important?
If a mother only focuses on results, she will miss out on all the little moments that make up the journey. She will also put unnecessary pressure on her children to achieve perfection.
How to practice?
The best way to practice this quality is to be aware of it simply.
Try to focus on the process rather than the result. For example, instead of focusing on how clean the house is, focus on how much fun you had while cleaning it with your children.
Another way to practice this quality is to praise your children for their efforts rather than their results. This will help them to see that you value their efforts, even if they don’t always succeed.
Lastly, try to encourage your children to enjoy the journey rather than focus on the destination. For example, instead of telling them to hurry up and finish their homework, tell them to take their time and enjoy the learning process.
When might you be tested?
You will likely be tested on this quality when your children work towards a goal. It can be tempting to focus on the result, but it is essential to resist this urge.
It is also important to remember that not all goals are equal. Some goals, such as cleaning your room, are relatively simple and can be easily achieved. Other goals, such as getting straight A’s in school, are more complex and may take longer.
#10. A good mother is a process of being, and you may never be there. So, don’t try to be good for someone else; do it for yourself.
What does it mean?
A good mother is a process of being, and you may never be there. So, don’t try to be suitable for someone else; do it for yourself.
This means that you should not strive to be a perfect mother. Instead, focus on becoming the best mother that you can be.
It is also important to remember that motherhood is a lifelong journey. Therefore, there will always be room for improvement.
Sometimes, your own life will throw you new challenges just when you think everything is good.
Why is it important?
If you focus on being a perfect mother, you will only set yourself up for disappointment. You will also put unnecessary pressure on yourself and your children.
How to practice?
The best way to practice this quality is to be aware of it simply.
Try to focus on becoming the best mother that you can be. For example, instead of focusing on being a perfect homemaker, focus on being a loving and supportive mother.
Another way to practice this quality is to accept your own mistakes. This will help you learn from your mistakes and become a better mother.
Lastly, try to focus on the positive aspects of motherhood. For example, instead of focusing on the sleepless nights, focus on the joy of watching your child take their first steps.
When might you be tested?
You will likely be tested on this quality when things are not going according to plan. It can be tempting to focus on the negative aspects of motherhood, but it is essential to resist this urge.
It is also important to remember that motherhood is a journey. There will be ups and downs. But, as long as you focus on becoming the best mother you can be, you will be just fine.
Final Thoughts
You should see a common thread across the top 10 qualities by now.
We talked about examples of a highly uncertain time.
We talked about being a realist with optimism and gratitude by embracing hope and faith.
You may not be able to spot or act on an opportunity. But, you might just ask the right questions to get your kids or partner out of a rut.
So what if your kids seem “slower” than other kids. You are not comparing them with anyone. You are grateful for them. And, you have faith that they will find their path.
So what if your kids cannot play piano like the neighbor next door. But, you would instead let your kids explore rather than excel at something early.
Finally, a Good Mother is something to strive for, not a status to secure.
You are not in a competition.
You are on a journey.
So, be sure to enjoy it.
