Your husband may have been the most important person in this world. Both of you made a vow during marriage to, ‘love and cherish each other till death do us apart.’
But the reality is that most people don’t stay in love forever.
The ‘in-love’ part stays for two to three years at most, according to the neurologist Dr. Fred Nour, author of the book, ‘True Love: How to Use Science to Understand Love’[1].
So, what are those tell-tale signs that your husband isn’t in love with you anymore? You should read this blog to find out.
Table of Contents
1. He No Longer Uses Words of Affection
Couples in love don’t just blandly exchange information with each other. They often use words to express affection and love[2].
This is equally important for people in a marriage.
Getting cold and not expressing love is normal occasionally, especially after a fight. But if your husband does not use any words to express affection at all, it is a clear sign that he has lost interest in you and doesn’t love you anymore.
A bigger warning Signs Your Husband Isn’t in Love With You is if your husband has stopped saying, ‘I Love You’, it shows he has given up on you.
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2. He Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings
A healthy relationship involves a deep sense of love and cares about each other. It involves compassion, tenderness, and caring about the feelings of the other partner[3].
Signs Your Husband Isn’t in Love With You is your relationship scholars say that compassionate love is the heart of a loving marriage [4]. If you feel that your husband doesn’t care about you, or worse, hurt your feelings, it is a sign that he has fallen out of love with you.
3. He Has Become Reserved
If your husband used to be open with you in the past but has now become reserved, it clearly Signs Your Husband Isn’t in Love With You and the absence of love in the marriage.
Loving couples talk a lot with each other. According to the social psychologist Reiss who developed the Wheel Theory of Love, intimacy is about establishing rapport through sharing personal thoughts and feelings[5].
4. He Spends Most of the Time Away from Home
Most men occasionally make excuses to spend time with their male buddies. But if he is constantly away leaving you alone at home, it indicates he doesn’t love you.
According to Reiss’s (1960) Wheel Theory of Love, mutual dependency is a part of a loving relationship[5].
A loving married couple will have a desire to be with each other.
If your husband behaves the opposite, the relationship is devoid of love.
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5. He Has Become Celibate at Home
The connection between married partners strengthens with an active sex life. According to social psychologist Seshadri, the reward system associated with intimacy increases social attachment[6]. From what we read, sex is often one of the most important factors for a good marriage.
Do you receive a dry ‘no’ when you suggest physical intimacy? Is your sex life non-existent? When is the last time you have sex? Do you feel loved and connected when your husband initiated sex?
As a woman, I would venture to say that most women would hate the lack of intimacy during sex way more than men would.
As a woman, I care more about the person you love – spending time, hearing the person say “I love you”.
Taking the time together instead of rushing it.
Sex is more emotional than physical for women.
6. He Fights a Lot
Married couples occasionally engage in a heated argument. In fact, studies show that certain fights help resolve conflicts [7]. But if your husband fights a lot and makes contemptuous remarks during fights, it is a sign that he doesn’t love you anymore.
A man in love will try to be more agreeable.
He will overlook fault and focus on the values. But if he is quick to jump at every mistake you make – your love life is in serious trouble.
7. The two of you don’t fight anymore
We have interviewed a senior marriage counselor for this topic. We were surprised to learn that couples that fight can actually be a good sign.
“I call these cases silent couples. They typically have either one or both parties engaged in external affairs. And, for reasons, they just put up with the marriage.
8. He Acts Bland Around You
Loving husbands make an effort to keep their wives happy most of the time. Relationship scholars say that romantic love entails affective and motivational bonding with the loved one[8].
If your husband doesn’t show any emotion or acts irritable, grumpy, and short-tempered when around you, it can be a sign of fading love.
9. He Flirts with Other Women in Front of You
Loving husbands reserve their display of affection to their wives. If your husband flirts with other women in front of you, it is a sign of disrespect and absence of love.
The last thing that a woman wants to see is a man being interested in another woman than you. Some say, it’s the husband hitting on your friends.
Another test is to see if your husband is still flirting anymore with you like when you first met.
10. He Does Not Care When You Flirt with Other Men
You may retaliate and flirt with other men. But if he does not seem to be bothered by your behavior, it shows that he does not have any feelings for you.
You want to be careful here and not to overact. Men can be really put off by dramatic behavior.
Often, showing interest in other men is a more subtle way to make him jealous.
11. He Don’t Listen to You Anymore
Listening is important in any conversation. But loving partners are particularly attentive and listen when talking. They listen to understand each other.
If your husband doesn’t listen and seems to zone out whenever you talk to him, it indicates he is not in love with you.
You might as well talk to a brick wall and it won’t make a difference.
So, is your husband still interested in you as a person? When is the last time you two have spent quality time together?
12. He Doesn’t Call or Text You When Away
Does your husband rarely call or text you when away? Does it feel like your husband becomes allergic to the phone whenever you call?
Some say this is a red flag in a marriage. It shows that your husband doesn’t care about you. And, it indicates that he is not love with you anymore.
I would say be careful on this one. Try to look for changes in behavior. If your husband is less clingy, then he is just acting normal.
However, if he’s suddenly heavy texting with someone one. Laughes or smiles at the phone from interacting with someone else. That will be a more worrying sign.
12. He is Falling Out of Love and Doesn’t Talk of Future with You
Married couples often talk about their future. They will plan for a vacation, retirement, and other important events that they can do together.
If your husband isn’t excited about being with you, he won’t talk of a future with you. He knows that the relationship is broken, even when you think that everything is fine.
14. You Don’t Trust Each Other
Love without trust is like a car without wheels. A relationship ceases to be a loving one if there is no trust between the partners.
Consider talking with a counselor to get professional advice if your marriage has come to a point where you no longer trust each other.
15. He Doesn’t Compliment You Anymore
A loving relationship involves complementing each other. If your husband loves you, he will never stop complimenting you.
You should feel appreciated and loved by your husband. If this isn’t the case, your husband must have lost his interest in you.
16. The Only Thing That Connects You Two Is Family – Or Anything But Love
It maybe time to save your marriage if it feels like all that is left in a marriage is family responsibility related to your children or parents.
Think about the content of your communication. Do you two talk like cold business colleagues or close friends?
“The Quality Of Your Life Is The Quality Of Your Communication…”
– Tony Robbins
Think about your communication. What drives the conversation? How is it framed?
Just bear in mind to not let your marriage be reduced to cold dry responsibility.
The two of you have a relationship to maintain. Not a task to complete.
17. He Pays Attention to Other People More than You
Your husband may have showered his love at the start of the relationship. You might have been his center of the universe at one time. But now you feel that he is ignoring you. And worse, he pays attention to everyone other than you.
He will be generous with money and time with others, but not you. These are clear signs that your love life with your husband has hit a dead end.
18. He Criticizes You a Lot
Does your husband complain about you a lot? It is one thing to offer constructive criticism, but constantly complaining about everything that you do means that he has stopped loving you.
Sometimes it’s a communication issue. He simply doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings.
19. He Makes Fun of You in Disrespectful Ways
Teasing you – a way to flirt with you – is a good sign.
The bad sign comes when it’s done in an ill-spirited manner.
He may tell you that you are fa, stupid or ugly.
He may belittle you in front of family members or guests.
All of this is a sign that your husband has become devoid of love.
20. He Doesn’t Want to Spend Time with You
Does your husband make an excuse whenever you suggest a romantic date after a long marriage? Does he reject your ideas of a romantic get-together?
It’s important to tell him that you just want to spend time together and less about the activity.
If your husband just doesn’t watch “Love Actually” with you, it doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love you anymore.
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21. He Tries to Turn Your Kids Against You
Some husbands sink so low as to try to rally the kids against their mom. The worst possibility is that they do this to become the favorite of their kids in case of a divorce.
If your husband demeans and talks bad about you with your children, it shows he is being manipulative to hurt you.
22. He Makes Mountain Out of a Molehill
Does your husband constantly make a fuss out of little things?
Does he tend to find fault in your every move? Does every conversion turn into a fight?
If the two of you can’t engage in a civil conversation whenever you sit down together, it indicates that the relationship is headed in the wrong direction.
23. He Seems Bored When With You
Loving couples feel a rush of hormones including oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin that makes them feel rewarded and close to the romantic partner[9].
If your husband seems to be bored around you, it shows he does not feel any attraction or attachment when around you.
He may prefer to spend time watching TV or playing games rather than spend time talking or getting intimate with you.
24. He Makes No Effort to Settle Disputes
Partners who are in love with each other make an effort to settle conflicts. They focus on maintaining harmony and love in a relationship by addressing disputes in a constructive manner.
If your husband tends to ignore conflicts, it shows he doesn’t care about or love you.
Remember a good marriage will take two to dance.
25. He Doesn’t Miss You When Away
Partners who are in love feel physical and emotional connections. When they are away, it seems that a part of them is missing.
However, your husband may just need help with communication. He might not know how to express his feelings when away. It is no clear signs your husband doesn’t love you.
26. He Is Cheating on You!
Cheating is the worst thing that he can do to you. Not only does it show a lack of respect, but it is also an act of outright betrayal.
A study published in the Journal of Sex Research about cheating men found that most men cheat because they were dissatisfied with the current relationship[10].
In other words, cheating is one of the signs that your husband doesn’t love you anymore.
27. He Blames You for Everything
Your husband blames you even when it is not your fault. You are the reason he is not happy. You are the reason for driving him away. You are the reason…for everything bad in life.
The persistent and irrational blaming shows that love of your husband – whom you may still love – has fizzled out in a relationship.
28. He Never Seems to Be Happy No Matter What You Do
Does your husband seem to be grumpy and irritable no matter what you do? Does he always have a frown on his face when in your company?
You may feel like going to the end of the world from him, but it is somehow not enough for him. It is one of the signs your husband takes you for granted and does not love you.
29. He Verbally – or Physically – Abuse You
Physical abuse is one of the worst warning signs. But it goes beyond that. To some degree, verbal abuse is just equally a bad sign.
Treating with respect is one of the fundamental factors of a loving marriage [11].
Do not talk yourself into accepting even just the verbal abuse just to save the marriage. You should let him know your feelings.
Physical abuse is crossing the boundary in a relationship. You should not tolerate the abusive behavior of your husband.
If he slaps, hits, shoves, or assaults you in any manner, you must file for a divorce instantly!
Final Remarks – Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore?
Movies and fairy stories may lead you to believe that love between married couples lasts forever. But the fact is most couples fall out of love after a few years in marriage.
At first, you might think that you are imagining things. However, soon it will hit you like a brick that something is wrong in the relationship.
He may not express love to you. He may not take care of you.
He may not be even picking up the phone. It might feel like you are alone in a relationship.
If you feel your husband still loves you, you may not be in sync with reality. You need to get a grip on life and talk with a professional counsellor to get relationship advice.
The most important thing to remember is that how your partner – or anyone else – thinks of you does not define you as a person.
You shouldn’t worry if you have done everything to make your husband love you. Sometimes it’s better to give him some space, or even let him go if he hasn’t been faithful in the relationship.
Additional thoughts from our guys panel
Some signs are less worrying than others such as making fun of you or teasing you. Some signs are downright unacceptable such as physical abuse after marriage.
Seeing signs of your loved one falling out of love with you is a painful experience.
References
[1]. https://www.today.com/health/how-long-does-passion-last-four-stages-love-t108471 – Neurologist Dr. Fred Nour says love can last three years at most.
[2] https://www.millersville.edu/psychology/files/bland/bland-lovelanguages.pdf – Words of affection are important in a healthy, loving relationship.
[3] https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/214199186.pdf – A Longitudinal study of the culture of companionate love.
[4] https://medicalxpress.com/news/2019-09-compassion-heart.html – A study published in Royal Society Open Science finds that men who love their partners display a compassionate side.
[5]. https://www.jstor.org/stable/583179 – About Reiss’s (1960) Wheel Theory of Love.
[6]. https://doi.org/10.4103/2230-8210.183479 – The neuroendocrinology of love.
[7]. https://www.nytimes.com/1989/02/21/science/want-a-happy-marriage-learn-to-fight-a-good-fight.html – An article in New York Times about how to fight a good fight.
[8]. https://content.apa.org/record/1985-01240-001 – A study about the nature of love.
[9]. https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/ – An article about the science behind love.
[10]. http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2017.1393494 – A study about motivations for infidelity in a relationship.
[11]. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407506070471 – A study that finds that respect is important in a relationship.
